The Voices Within
by Lexie and Jacey
Summary: Brought to you by the writers of 'Syl's Boot's, The Voices Within, is a highly amusing satire, spoof, parody... you name it. It's DA at it's best and worst. 1 & 2 up now.
1. It's Just Like a Musical Only Not

**This is NOT a script format fic. It is a non-script formatted fic. The characters of Lexie and Jacey, are merely characterizations of our selves. We are not A/N-ing all through the fic. We are characters. Keep in mind though, that the characters of Jacey and Lexie ARE in control of the other characters, because they are the voices in their heads.... The Voices Within.**

_If you loved Buffy's 'Once More With Feeling'.... Then this is nothing like it. Yes, there's singing. And yes, there's a few synchronized dances. But mostly it's the DA gang going crazy, a few voices in their heads, and entirely full of that dirty talk you all loved in Syl's Boots. It's 'The Voices Within', and it's bound to entertain you for hours._

**The Voices Within**

[Logan's Penthouse... Apartment... Place. Logan's Place. Max is wearing a jumper with a reindeer on it]

MAX: Since Season 2 was relatively boring, we're throwing all canon out the window until it suits us to bring it back... Logan and I have a healthy relationship based on sex and food. Since we're so happy, I have invited all 8 of my sane siblings over for a Pre-Christmas Christmas party.

LOGAN: Max, it's October.

MAX: Which is why it's a Pre-Christmas Christmas Party, as opposed to a Christmas Party.

LOGAN: clears throat, and gives Max a meaningful look

"Why do you do this,  
You always take the piss.  
You make me look like a fool,  
I'm trying to hard to be cool.  
Every single day,  
The same old story,  
Every single night,  
You have me in my glory......"

JACEY: Opps.

LEXIE: We're 'opps'-ing already? I thought we'd wait until I made a totally obvious Matrix reference or we had Syl or Jondy say something inappropriately dirty.

JACEY: I'm starting early this year.

LEXIE: Oh. It's all good then.

MAX: Being the superior being I am, I managed to hack into Logan's computer, hack Zack's voice mail thingie and, using my incredible powers of deduction, trace most of the siblings I have that escaped!

LOGAN: As much as you make me look like a fool, Max, you really are Perfection in my eyes.

[Logan stares at Max with puppy-dog eyes while Max tries to boil water. And sets the water on fire.]

MAX: Huh.

LOGAN: Huh.

MAX: Well that went well.

LOGAN: Better than usual.

JACEY: Oh Definatly.

MAX: Did you hear that voice?

LOGAN: Voice? You're hearing voices?

LEXIE: This could be fun. Let's drive Max insane! Max and Ben can be insane together. I never liked Ben. [spooky voice] M-AXIE!

MAX: Uh... no [looks around wildly]

LOGAN: Good.

MAX: Good

[awkward silence]

LOGAN: So, when do the freaks arrive?

MAX: Excuse me?

LOGAN: Did I say that out loud?

JACEY: Uh huh.

LEXIE: Yup. Baaaad move.

MAX: You didn't just call my beloved-siblings-who-were-completely-forgotten-in-Season-2 freaks.

LEXIE: Oh, yes he did.

LOGAN: I meant it in a good way! Go Freaks!

JACEY: Punch him already.

LEXIE: Fight! Fight! Fight!

[Max glowers at Logan. This could possibly suggest a Logan/Max/Alec/Zack love triangle but I'll be obscure and move straight on]

LOGAN: So, who is coming to my pent...apartment... dwelling?

MAX: Well, everyone! Syl and Jondy and Zane...

LOGAN: Syl was the hot blonde that had Zack's eyes?

LEXIE: Whoa. Logan noticed Zack's eyes.

JACEY: Ewww.

[Max gives Logan a funny look]

MAX: And Krit...

LOGAN: He's the X5 who looks freakishly like you!

MAX: Well, duh. And Zack...

LOGAN: My rival for your fair heart! Tis blasphemy to have that mongrel half breed under my roof!

JACEY: Has he been drinking?

LEXIE: Probably.

MAX: AH! The voices! NO!

LOGAN: So, um, I'll just go over here........ runs out door

MAX: sings

"I hear voices, every single day.  
When I meet those voices, I'll them pay!  
For my beloved Logan thinks I'm mad,  
I'm not! I'm not! Well maybe just a tad..."

LEXIE: Was Max drinking earlier today?

JACEY: Probably.

[Max looks around wildly for the voices, waving her fists around. And in enters the always loveable Zack.]

MAX: Zack! You are here! I shall sashay over to you, and hug you and prance around creating a lot of sexual tension for the hell of it!

ZACK: That works for me.

LEXIE: Eww. We need to bring in Jondy.

JACEY: Zack and Max seems wrong. In a bad way. Jondy and Zack seems wrong. In a good way.

[Zack clings to Max for longer than necessary]

MAX: Zack... oxygen...becoming an issue... [face goes purple]

ZACK: No, no, this is wrong! For I am in love with my fair maiden, Jondy!

JACEY: Enter Jondy..... Jondy?

LEXIE: Where's Jondy?

MAX: I'll be damned if I know.......

LEXIE: Did she just answer us?

ZACK: Maxie, who are you talking to?

JACEY: She did.

MAX: I choose to embrace the gift of the voices, not fear them!

[Enter Jondy, wearing an outfit that probably isn't legal but never mind! Anything to turn Zack's mind away from doing the dirty with Max]

ZACK: [eyes Jondy] And this is why they invented the threesome.

LEXIE: Oops.

JACEY: Well, that was inappropriately dirty.

LEXIE: Yet amusing.

JONDY: Zack! I missed you! [leaps into Zack's arms. Zack looks thrilled. Max looks put out. The Zack part of the Logan/Max/Alec/Zack triangle has just been extinguished.]

[Jondy and Zack make out]

JACEY AND LEXIE: Awww!

[Jondy and Zack continue to make out]

JACEY AND LEXIE: It's still sweet!

[Clothing starts to be shed. Logan walks in the door]

LOGAN: My virgin eyes!

ZACK: You're a virgin?

MAX: You were married!

JONDY: Hi.

MAX: Hi. Logan?

LOGAN: Ahh........ Food anyone? holds out plate of cheese toasties

ALEC: walks through door Ohhh food.

JONDY: gasp

"I just went into shock,  
My dear brother Ben,  
Although a little mad,  
Just walked in then,  
I must be going mad."

ZACK: Excellent. Another X5 male to feel threatened by. For the sake of sick amusement, both Jondy and Max are attracted to Alec and this will make me grunt more than usual.

LOGAN: I have an expensive dwelling. I have Pre-Pulse wine. I have money and I shave with a butter knife. I have no reason to feel threatened.

LEXIE: You should

JACEY: In a big way.

LEXIE: I say Mack Truck.

JACEY: I hear ya.

MAX: Great. The Voices are psychopaths that want to kill Logan. Someone up there does not want me to be happy.

JONDY: [stares at Alec] Oh my. Aren't you the very embodiment of male masculinity.

ZACK: Excuse me. You're extremely fickle boyfriend is right here.

MAX: Jondy!

JONDY: What?

ALEC: I'm disturbed by such a frank - yet accurate - description of myself.

{Syl and Krit walk in from the kitchen}

KRIT: I'm concerned by the fact that no ones seems to be noticing the fact that there's a fridge full of alcohol in here.

SYL: And that no one seemed to notice us walk in..... goes into a daze

"I feel so alone, so left out,  
If this carries on, I might just pout."

KRIT: joins in

"Oh Baby, please do,  
You know it turns me on when you're blue..."

SYL AND KRIT:

"We're two of a kind,  
Such a great find.  
We're hot, you're not,  
We rock, you really don't.....  
Look at us!"

MAX: It's Syl and Krit! Two underused siblings!

LEXIE: Krit, take off your shirt!

[Krit whips off his shirt. Everyone stares at him.]

MAX: [awed voice] You hear the voices too?

[Krit looks around, shocked and nods slowly and begins to put the shirt back on.]

LEXIE: Leave that shirt off !

JACEY: Well, that was evil.

LEXIE: Duh. Don't tell me you're not enjoying this.

JACEY: Oh I am. But isn't it kinda weird?

SYL: Sorry, we're late, we ...um...

KRIT: We were going at it like bunnies.

ZACK: Dude!

ALEC: Dude!

LOGAN: Dude! My virgin ears!

SYL: What did we miss?

MAX: Jondy declaring Alec one of the sexiest men alive, Zack and I dealing with our unresolved sexual tension and me burning hot water.

SYL: Ohhhh I've done that. But only cause me and Krit starting banging... and there was this one time... looks around should I stop?

LEXIE: No,no, keep the stories coming.

JACEY: Oh totally.... As long as it involves a hot, naked and sweaty Syl.... I mean Krit. KRIT! I meant Krit damn it!

[Krit and Max look around wildly]

MAX: That 

KRIT: Scary.

MAX: I wanna go home.

KRIT: I wanna go deaf.

JACEY: I wanna go fuck Krit, but you don't see that happening, do you?

LEXIE: Not if I have anything to do with it.

JACEY: Hot guy stealer.

LEXIE: Syl fucker.

JACEY: MAN WHORE!

LEXIE: How?

JACEY: God knows.

SYL: Ohhh.... Someone wants to sleep with me? Go me!

KRIT: Stop listening Syl.... wait, you can hear them?

SYL: Hear who?

[Krit goes pale. Max goes green. Krit whimpers.]

LEXIE: They can hear us remember.

JACEY: So? Communication is the first step to every functional relationship.

SYL: [gives Krit bizarre look] Krit, is everything okay?

MAX: Oh GOD no.

KRIT: [looks at Logan] Dude, your dwelling is freaking me out.

JACEY: Dwelling?

LEXIE: Is it a penthouse? Is it an apartment? Is it merely a tv set? No body knows!

JONDY: Since I have been rendered redundant, I am off to seduce Alec.

ZACK: Hell no.

ALEC: Hell no. I secretly hold a flame for Max and could never do something as shallow as bang her younger sister.

JONDY: Well, this sucks.

JACEY: Yeah, I wanted to bang him as well.

KRIT: Make the voices stop!

SYL: Again, I say, what voices?

LEXIE: These oneeeeeeeeeeeeeees.... I SEE DEAD PEOPLE.

Everyone looks up in shock, and Logan falls backwards, from where he was previously leaning against the window frame.... Straight out the open window.

LEXIE: [looks out window] Come on little Mack Truck.... Come on, little Mack Truck...

JACEY: Lexie, Logan just fell out of a dwelling window! Do you really think he deserves to be hit by a truck?

LEXIE: Yes.

[Mack truck comes speeding around the corner, driven by White, thus suggesting a White/Max/Alec love triangle. Mack truck runs over Logan's bloodied body once... twice... four times... soon, Logan is merely a bloody smear on the asphalt.]

GROUP: Ewww.

SYL: Did the voices do that?

JACEY: Unintentionally.

LEXIE: Accidents happen.

MAX: [whimpers] My sugar daddy!

ZACK: [whimpers] My rival!

BLING: [whimpers] My employer!

JONDY: [whimpers] Some guy!

LEXIE: Again, I'm calling the 'bizarre' card.

JACEY: [whimper] I'm scared.

JONDY: So am I... wait, where did that come from?

MAX: [wails] My sugar daddy!

"Oh, we were once in love,  
A gift sent from above.  
We spent all day,  
At each others side...  
We were lost, but then found,  
And now he's but a smudge on the ground.  
I guess I'll have to deal,  
Learn how to feel...  
The perfect cure, as far as I can see,  
Is find a guy, to bang the hell out of me!"

LEXIE: Now Jondy can hear us.

JACEY: Then she should know I wanna bang Zack as well.

LEXIE: You have sex issues.

JONDY: Good GOD. The VOICES.

ZACK: Jondy, are you insane?

SYL: Most probably. I mean, come on, Ben wasn't the only one to be messed up by Manticore. Brin had a inappropriate goat fetish and Tinga liked rubber bands.

GROUP: Eww.

JACEY: Where do you get your material?

LEXIE: You so don't want to know.

KRIT: Why is Bling here? Where is Zane? And Tinga? Why isn't Max at work?

LEXIE: Please don't point out the plot holes.

JACEY: Or we'll make you take off your pants.

[Max, Krit and Jondy all go pale.]

LEXIE: Your mind works in brilliant ways.

JACEY: Why thank you.

LEXIE: No problem. You know you rock, right?

JACEY: Well, yes, but it never hurts to hear it again.

JONDY: Make them stop.....

ZACK:

"My girlfriend's going crazy,  
I think her minds gone hazy.  
I don't know what to do,  
Cause my brother's insane too!  
I think it might be a family thing,  
Just like this sudden urge to sing!  
I know I should really care,  
But all I want is another beer!"

JONDY: You won't dump me for being insane, right? I mean, Max and Krit hear the voices!

LEXIE: If this fic goes on long enough, Zack probably will as well.

JACEY: We can dream.

ZACK: I would never dump you. I am still holding out for a threesome with you and Max.

LEXIE: Eww

JACEY: I think it's time Max met the Mack Truck.

MAX: The Voices want to kill me!

KRIT: If I take my pants off, you won't kill me right?

LEXIE: We promise we'll try not to.

JACEY: There are so many ways to kill a man.

KRIT: [shudders and begins to take off pants] I better not die.

SYL: Krit! What the hell are you doing?

KRIT: Saving my life.

SYL: You aren't wearing anything under your jeans!

ZACK: Dude!

ALEC: Dude!

BLING: Dude!

ZANE: Dude!

LEXIE: Ohh.

JACEY: Ohhh.

KRIT: Well...

[Syl rolls her eyes and drags Krit off to the guestroom]

JACEY: Ohhhhhh.

LEXIE: That was fun.

JACEY: Yes, Lets do that again. looks around ZANE!

ZANE: Someone say my name?!

WHOLE ROOM: ZANE!

ZANE: Dude, I am so popular.

JACEY: Take your pants off, or we shall smite you to the ground! Mwah hah hah hah!

LEXIE: Whoa. Scary much?

JACEY: I just REALLY wanna see some Zane booty.

LEXIE: And I really want Krit and Alec. But having them hear me creeps me out. Besides one of us is underaged.

JACEY: Wisdom before age.

LEXIE: Huh?

JACEY: You've got a dirty mind. You can't play the 'Younger' card any longer.

LEXIE: Evil. Now, Zane, take off your pants like a good submissive X5 or we'll writing you into a gay pairing with Normal.

ZANE: DUDE!

[All of a sudden, bullets begin to fly through the air. Because his jeans are around his knees, Zane leans backwards and swerves.]

LEXIE: Go bullet time! Oh yeah, oh yeah!

JACEY: And that, ladies and gentlemen, was the Matrix reference.

LEXIE: Pretty bad, huh?

JACEY: Not one of your better ones.

[Awkward silence]

[Awkward silence pierced by yells of, "Syl!" "Krit!"]

[Group shudder]

LEXIE: Where's White when you need a plotline?

JONDY: Ohhhh butterfly!

[awkward silence]

MAX: Well...

JACEY: Cocktails anyone? produces cocktail shaker

LEXIE: starts doing the hula

"Gimmie a cocktail,  
A cocktail, a cocktail......"

ZANE: Dude! That's dirty!

LEXIE: That was most unexcellent of you Zane.

ZANE: I aim to please. In bed, as well as on the street.... Dude! Dirty!

LEXIE: Can I have your phone number, dude? That would be most excellent of you.

BRIN: He's mine damn it! Mine!

JACEY: What is with the Bill and Ted references?

LEXIE: Indirectly Matrix. My bad.

JACEY: Now Buffy?

LEXIE: It's all pop culture

[Syl and Krit return looking dishevelled.]

ZACK: Have fun?

SYL: Banging with Krit is always fun.....

KRIT: She does perform well. winks at Jacey of course, I know someone who might be more fun...

LEXIE: Oh, that's not fair! I was SO a Krit-worshipper before you were. I want a comment about my prowess.

JACEY: Lexie!

[Syl's eyes widen]

SYL: I hear the freaky Krit-Worshipping Voices! I hear them!

JACEY: Didn't she hear us before?

SYL: hums to self, and then burst into song

"I'm not as dumb as you may all think,  
I'm not a princess, even if I do like pink.  
I can be tough, I can be rough,  
I think a lot, and I hear a lot of stuff.  
I know you're not insane,  
But I also know, there's something to gain,  
From acting like I know nothing at all,  
Waiting, watching, with my back against the wall."

KRIT: Dude! My girlfriend can sing!

JACEY: And apparently hear us.

LEXIE: Indeed. Most excellent.

MAX: Dude, the Bill and Ted references are so pre-Pulse.

LEXIE: I don't hear anyone else complaining.

JACEY: Mack truck. I can arrange anything.

LEXIE: We have connections.

MAX: [whimper]

LEXIE: [nods] I thought so.

JACEY: I feel a tune coming on.....

LEXIE: Dude!

JACEY : "We're hot, we're cool,  
I got what you want, and I ain't no fool."

LEXIE: "We're goddesses undercover,  
Please, for the love of god, stop fucking your brother."

JACEY: "You need to stop, turn around and listen,  
This isn't some drug induced vision."

LEXIE: "We're here for a reason, you guys did something real wrong,  
Time to teach you a lesson, so we'll do it through song."

JACEY AND LEXIE:

"When we think it's time to know,  
We'll give you what we have to show.  
There's a time for everything, as you'll see,  
Now, we need to stop, so Lexie can pee."

LEXIE: Do I?

JACEY: Don't point out plot holes. Go pee.

SYL: While you were almost in tune and the song was very enlightening, what did it really have to do with us?

JACEY: Very little. Remember. You all got screen time. We didn't. We're steeling your thunder now.

LEXIE: Then again, it had quite a lot to do with you.

SYL: How?

JACEY: Quite clearly Lexie is delusional, but humor her.

LEXIE: I really don't think that 'how' is the point, the only valid point is that we are in control, and if we say bring on the sheep, in come the sheep. If I say, Krit get down on the floor and get topless while doing press ups, he better damn well get down there. So if we say it involves you, it involves you. Sia conforme?

JONDY: I vote for Krit getting down and dirty.....

LEXIE: And I vote for you getting down and dirty with Alec because I'm bored.

JONDY: You want me to destroy my current relationship with a public display of...

JACEY: Yup

JONDY: Because you're bored.

LEXIE: Hey, you're lucky it's that. It could be much worse.

JONDY: How?

LEXIE: You, Max and Lydecker.

[Everyone goes green, except Max. Adds Lydecker to the current love triangle of Alec/Max/White making it an Alec/Max/White/Lydecker triangle. Or square.]

KRIT: Maxie! That's disgusting!

LEXIE: I totally don't get that. People like it when Max hooks up with White yet her and Lydecker is dubbed disgusting.

JACEY: Yeah, well. People generally aren't smart.

LEXIE: Except us.

JACEY: That's a given.

KRIT: Isn't this supposed to be about us? I mean like, isn't it meant to be a musical, with US in it?

JACEY: Well, yes... but Lexie and I are clearly jealous, and as goddesses undercover, we hold the rights to do anything we want........... frowns Fine, sing away.

KRIT: Yes! I mean, uh....... No way I can back track is there?

LEXIE: smirks Not really.

KRIT: No, I've lost the mood.

JONDY: Oh like you ever had it.

KRIT: I had it! I still have it! I have the mojo baby!

SYL: Oh please, rip off another movie why don't you?

ZACK: "I feel the sudden urge, to burst into song,  
It's not something I often do, but it doesn't feel wrong.  
Call me what you will, but I feel the need to dance,  
Hit me baby one more time, I'm not who I seem at first glance."

KRIT: "Well Zackie here, is slightly gay,  
But he doesn't seem to care, what I say.  
He's getting on down, grooving to the beat,  
Shaking his thang, moving his feet."

ZANE: "I'm a little different, from these two prisses,  
I'm all about seeing some ass, getting a few kisses.  
I dance only when I have'ta, But my feet won't stop,  
Now I'm dancing, dancing like I'll never stop."

JONDY: I think I'll be describing this to a therapist in the near future.

SYL: You get that feeling too, huh?

[Bling reappears wearing a red leather bodysuit for no visable reason except he can.}

MAX: Interesting attire, Bling.

BLING: Well, while these two groovy cats...

SYL: Literally, Krit and Zack are cats. Bling isn't just trying to be hip.

KRIT: Did you just say hip?

SYL: No

BLING:... were gettin their groove on, I decided to show them what a real man wears.

JACEY: This is relevant how?

LEXIE: I'm easily amused.

JACEY: Very easily apparently. Why on earth would you want to see Bling, of all people in a red leather body suit?

LEXIE: Because I can?

JACEY: Excellent reasoning.

LEXIE: I thought so.

SYL: How come they get to sing?

JONDY: Oh! Oh! Oh! waves hand in the air

JACEY: Yes Jondy?

JONDY: I want a black leather mini skirt, a red tank top, and knee high boots.

LEXIE: Why?

JONDY: So I can sing.

JACEY: nods Ok.

[Jacey waves her hand, and Jondy disappears, and then reappears in a pink tutu with combat boots.]

JACEY: Opps.

LEXIE: Jacey!

JACEY: Opps.

JONDY: "I feel a little strange, really sort of odd,  
This isn't what I'd normally wear, thank god I've got a good bod."

SYL: "I wanna know, what's with that outfit,  
Honey, you gotta know, you look like shit."

BRIN: "Hey, hey, no reason to fight,  
But sweetie, the tutu's a little tight."

MAX: "Gotta say, I kinda like the boots a bit,  
But shouldn't you have made sure, that the tutu fit?"

LEXIE: Now, that's amusing. Like Spike being in a tutu.

JACEY: You're shameless, promoting your own fic in a fic.

LEXIE: All publicity is good publicity. And I want to see Lydecker sing 'It's Raining Men.'

JACEY: O-kay.

LEXIE: With Max and Brin as backing dancers. And Lydecker in a tutu

[Group shudder]

JACEY: One question?

LEXIE: You can even have two.

JACEY: I'll have three then. Why? WHY? WHY?!

LEXIE: I'm easily amused.

JACEY: All I can say, is that I'm disgusted.

JONDY: I'll second that.

MAX: Third.

SYL: Forth....

BRIN: Fi..

LEXIE: OK, I get it. No Lydecker in a pink tutu.... How bout a blue one? A pretty pastel blue?!

KRIT: Sounds good to me!

JONDY: Krit?

KRIT: I mean, ah....... Shit.

LEXIE: Oh, I don't need to start on my KRIT-IS-NOT-FREAKING-GAY rant again, do I? It would be a loss to the world.

JACEY AND SYL: Totally.

KRIT: I'm touched and disturbed to be loved so much. But...

JACEY: Yes?

KRIT: Can I put my pants back on now?

JACEY: Must you?

SYL AND LEXIE: Yes, must you?

KRIT: I'd really like to......

"I wanna put my pants on, wanna put my pants on...,  
But just gimme the word, an I'll them straight off.  
I'll take my shirt off......  
[strips shirt off]  
I'll take my hat off......  
[move hand to head, and realizes he doesn't have a hat on]  
But I'll leave my pants on.  
I'll take my watch off.....  
[takes off watch]  
I'll take my....."

Shit. I'm naked! [moves hands in front of self and squeals like a girl] You saw my... my... my.... You saw Sergeant Krit!

LEXIE: I believe now calls for a inappropraitely-dirty 'oops'.

ALEC: Hear hear.

MAX: Hear hear?

ALEC: Hell yeah.

MAX: Ingrate.

ALEC: What did I do?!

MAX: I don't know.

LEXIE: That was relevant.

JACEY: They've got to stay in character some how, don't they?

LEXIE: True. And Alec can hear us now.

JACEY: Well then. Drop the pants Alec.

ALEC [eyes Krit]: Uhh.

LEXIE: Do you want us to write a long fic involving you doing inappropriate things to a sheep?

[Alec pales and drops his jeans]

BRIN: This is wrong on so many levels.

JACEY: What?

BRIN: You're terrifying our guys into nakedness by threatening to do horrible things to them.

LEXIE: She has a point. Want to mock Logan?

JACEY: Always.

LEXIE: We'll have to revive him.

JACEY: Meh. That sounds bad.

LEXIE: Not dirty-bad?

JACEY: No, just depressing. I mean...Logan? Here?

LEXIE: As long as Logan keeps his pants on, it'll be okay.

JACEY: Can we push him off tall buildings, and beat him up a lot?

LEXIE: After we humilate him somehow. It's sick how much I enjoy mocking him.

JACEY: I know.

MAX: You are twisted.

JACEY AND LEXIE: We know.

KRIT: I think they're weird yet likable.

[Syl hits Krit]

KRIT: What? I'm just saying...

SYL: Don't talk. And for god's sake don't move your hand.

JACEY: For gods sake, move your hand.

LEXIE: Dirty! Yet.... So wise...

JACEY: Great minds think alike.

LEXIE: He said we're likeable.

JACEY: He did.

LEXIE: Sooo......

JACEY: You think he wants to fuck us?

LEXIE: I think he wants to friends.

JACEY: Do friends fuck?

LEXIE: Friendship is the first step to cementing a loving relationship. Then comes the sex.

KRIT: Besides, I can't have sex with a Voice.

[Syl elbows him in the ribs]

KRIT: And I've got Syl. Lovely Syl.

JACEY: What if we made our selves visible...... or like, sent you a picture.

MAX: This is creepy. The Voices in our heads are prostituting themselves to Krit.

LEXIE: You say that like it's a BAD thing.

[Someone thumps on the door and everyone turns around]

[dramatic pause]

A/N: gasp! Who COULD it be?!

Find out, in the next addition to 'The Voices Within'!


	2. Put a Cork in it Fluffy

We left the gang, in Logan's pent... dwelling, where someone had just knocked... sorry, **THUMPED** on the door. Who could it be... Is it someone out to get them?

**The Voices Within  
Part Two**

[Someone thumps on the door and everyone turns around]

WHITE: It is Ames White! Here to destroy you and add some sort of plotline to this otherwise bizarre train of events! Unlock the door, fiends!

JONDY: Hell no.

WHITE: Please?

JACEY: uh, no?

LEXIE: Yeah, sorry amigo, no go.

Zack: [walks out of kitchen holding slice of pizza] Who's at the door? [opens door]

EVERYONE: NO!

[White bursts in]WHITE: BAHAHAHA! I have foiled you all! And now I will blow your brains onto Logan Cale's four thousand door carpet!

[White grabs the gun from his holster. It isn't a gun, but a rubber chicken. Zack grabs a metal rod from his jeans pocket...]

JACEY: Well, that's dirty.

LEXIE: I know. I surprised even myself.

[White and Zack duel]

JACEY: This is strangely a turn on.

LEXIE: This is bizarre

SYL: Isn't this supposed to be a musical?

LEXIE: Are you volunteering for a solo?

JACEY: Oh a Syl solo....... Nah.

SYL: Hey!

JACEY: Oh, like you wanted to!

SYL: Good point.

WHITE: "It must be my turn to sing a tune now,

But I'm strangely out of words.

I want to kill you all right now,

But I can't find it in my heart.

I realise this song is lame,

And it won't be the way to my fame,

But the writer is a little sad,

As titanic just sank, her bad."

LEXIE: You didn't sink Titanic, Jacey.

JACEY: Yes I did. I hated Jack Dawson so damn much.

SYL: Huh.

[White and Zack's duel ends]

WHITE: Now that I have damaged Zack's rod beyond repair, I plan to kill you all [cue evil laugh]

JONDY: So, so dirty.

ALEC: I mean, really. Think of the children!

JACEY: [wails] Think of the children! Think of the children.

ALEC: "Where is the love? Tell me where is the love...

People dying, children crying....."

Wait, were we meant to sing original songs?

LEXIE: No. I can't write original songs, so borrowing Top 10 hits is fine. You can continue.

ZACK: Goodie. [strikes pose]

JONDY: Oh god save us.

ZACK: "Standin' in the spotlight workin' up a sweat

Givin' all I got and lovin' what I get

I can't hold back what I feel inside."

KRIT: I've never been so thoroughly scarred in my life.

BLING: Join the club

JACEY: You're wearing a red leather jump suit... how are you not already scarred for life?

BLING: I refuse to comment.

WHITE: Damn it people, I'm trying to kill you all here.

LEXIE: Oh shut up before I put you in a pink tutu too....

WHITE: [cowers in ear.] So, ah, I'll just go sit down.

ALEC: Well.

JONDY: Um.

ZACK: Can I have that threesome now?

JACEY: My ears.... oh god... no........

WHITE: I cannot take anymore! I must destroy you!

[White reaches for his gun and aims at Syl. Krit gasps and dives in front of Syl, effectively removing his hand from... where it had been and tackling Syl to the ground]

WHITE: MY EYES! MY VIRGIN EYES!

ZANE: Max, dude, how is it that all your love interests are virgins?

MAX: My bad luck?

JACEY: Why is everyone a virgin?!

LEXIE: Because apparently, you have to be LEGAL!

JACEY: Ooookay. Moving on...

SYL: To what? We've covered almost everything.

LEXIE: Not incest.

JONDY: Actually...

JACEY: No plotholes!

JONDY: Bite me.

JACEY: As much as I do quite like your firm ass, and nicely shaped chest, I'd rather not bite you..... did I say that outloud?

LEXIE: Yes.

JACEY: Damn it.

JONDY: You like my ass.

JACEY: Moving right on....

ZANE: Are you saying that you like Jondy's ass better than my ass?

JACEY: Does no one understand the concept of 'moving on'?

EVERYONE: No.

JACEY: Right. No Zane, I like your ass a lot. In fact, I prefer your ass to Jondy's... I was simply commenting that she has quite a nice ass...... like when Lexie mentioned that she...

LEXIE: YOU PROMISED YOU WOULD NEVER BRING THAT UP AGAIN. I will deny everything. Or should I bring up the meeting with Dozer...

JACEY: Okay, okay. I'll be good.

ZANE: Dude

BLING: I have to confess something...

MAX: What?

BLING: Normal and I have been live in lovers for the last six months

JACEY: Ewww. Where did that come from?

LEXIE: No idea. Can we bring the bear in now?

JACEY: Please.

JONDY: Um, to eat who?

SYL: Yeah, if this is going to endanger me....

JONDY: "If I have a choice, I'd rather not die.

Please, oh please, don't make me cry!

Don't send in a big grizzly bear,

For that is one of the only things I fear!

I'll beg, on my knees,

Asking you, please, oh please,

I'd rather not die, rather be alive,

I'll do anything, if you just let me survive!"

LEXIE: Puh-lease. If I have you eaten, whose angst worthy adventures would I write about? It was you who gave me a cultlike following...

JACEY: PLEASE don't start on the cultlike following thing. Bragging doesn't look good on you.

LEXIE: Right. Okay. Nah, the bear is going to eat Ames.

WHITE: Excuse me?

ALEC: You heard the ladies, you're going to be bear-chow.

ZACK: Ladies?

ALEC: The Voices.

ZANE: Dude.

ALEC: They're ladies!

KRIT: But they keep talking about Jondy and Syl...

ALEC: Dude, you're naked. I'm pretty much guessing they're girls. Cause no guy is that desperate.

SYL: Hey!

KRIT: Dude!

JACEY: Did he just say that we were guys?

LEXIE: I think he did.

JACEY: OK, see what guys are called Jacey and Lexie? What guys choose to be called Goddesses..... ok, wait, some gay guys...... probably not a good example....... Oh! Oh! Oh! What guy has a chest as nice and shapely as mine?!?

LEXIE: Not many....

ALEC: Lets not question their femininity any more. What's next on the agenda?

KRIT: Ames gets eaten.

LEXIE: Yay!

MAX: Not a fan?

LEXIE: You offering to sleep with him?

MAX: Hell no.

LEXIE: Then Ames is becoming nuriousment for the mammel.

BRIN: Are bears mammels?

KRIT: Apparently.

ZANE: Dude.

ALEC: Totally.

JACEY: Really?

LEXIE: I think so.

JACEY: Huh.

JONDY: Yeah...... well, as they say, who learn something new everyday.....

WHITE: Who's they?

JACEY: Don't change the subject.

WHITE: Why not? I don't want to be eaten by a bear.

LEXIE: And I didn't want you here, yet here you are.

SYL: That was a circular sentence.

JONDY: Bring on the bear.

ZANE: Dude.

ALEC: I'm with Zane. Ames should sing before his gruesome and painful death

JACEY: Zane didn't say that. He said Dude!

ZANE: Dude!

JACEY: See.

ALEC: OK, so I want to see him sing.

LEXIE: Your wish is granted.

JACEY: When did we become genies?

LEXIE: Don't mess with me. I'm armed with um..... a rubber chicken.... A plastic sword... and... wait, DUCT TAPE!

[a flash of light appears, and Ames strikes a pose, with head bowed, and arms spread out. Begins tap dancing – much like River Dance]

WHITE: "Don't eat me!

Dun dun dun!

Don't eat me!

Dun dun dun!

In west California,

Born and raised,

In the lab I spent most of my days.

Stressing out, studying, relaxing not me...

I was shooting some dope outside of school.

When a couples of dudes, who were up to no good,

Started making trouble in my science lab.

I killed one little guy, and my dad got mad,

He said 'You're gonna become a familiar, if I have a say."

JACEY: Well that was a rip off.

LEXIE: I feel violated with such crap. I'm sure the readers wish for their money back.

SYL: I know I do.

ZANE: Dude.

ALEC: I agree. That was not cool.

BLING: Pay attention to me.

MAX: Zack, I will have that threesome with you.

ZACK: Huh?

JONDY: Excuse me.

LEXIE: Whoa.

JACEY: Eww. Whoa.

LEXIE: When did we loose control?

JACEY: I think about the time Max started singing about her Sugar Daddy....

LEXIE: Max sung about her sugar daddy? Can I have a recap?

SYL: God. Can I go home?

LEXIE: Can I have Krit?

JACEY: Why do you get him?

LEXIE: Because I'm um, .....

JACEY: I'm older. I get him

LEXIE: Fine.

AMES: Do I still have to die?

GROUP: YES!

AMES: But I run an orphanage for abandoned puppies. What will they do without me?

MAX: They'll probably be thankful you've stopped feeding them to sharks!

JACEY: Hang on, I wrote that script... I thought they got fed to crocodiles.

MAX: Budget cuts and all. They had to start using sharks.

JACEY: Oh right, right. I needed a new shoe collection.

LEXIE: And I needed a new flame thrower - or lance de flamme as they call them in french!

SYL: Why was the french comment relevant?

LEXIE: Why wasn't it relevant?

WHITE: The bear is sucking my toes. Can someone remove him?

JACEY: I didn't conjure a bear.

[Lexie gives an innocent look]

JACEY: Lexie!

LEXIE: What? The bear hasn't eaten him yet! Conjure is sooo 1999.

JACEY: Oh bite me.

LEXIE: Really?

JACEY: Ew no.

LEXIE: Oh.

JACEY: Sorry chica, I mean, you're my best friend... but I don't feel that way....... You understand right?

LEXIE: I guess....

JACEY: I mean, I know how desirable I am... and I know everyone wants me....

LEXIE: Jacey?

JACEY: Yes?

LEXIE: Shut up.

JACEY: I'll sic the bear on you.

JONDY: You can only sic dog on people... and some hyenas... and like, coyotes.

SYL: Jondy?

JONDY: Yes?

SYL: Shut up.

JONDY: Oh.

JACEY: Are they copying us?

LEXIE: I believe they are.

JACEY: Shall we?

LEXIE: Eat ice cream? Hell yes.

JACEY: Resist the evils of the ice cream Lexie. It will lead to nothing but unhappiness and despair.

LEXIE: Blah. It tastes good, so eat it. I apply that philosophy to all areas of my life - if it feels good, do it. Right Krit?

KRIT: Uhhh... [looks sideways at Syl] Um...if I say no to the Voice, she'll sic a flesh-eating penguin on me. If I say yes to the Voice, Syl will cut off bits of my anatomy I'm fond of... this is a dilemma...

JONDY: You can't sic penguins, only...

ZANE: Dude!

ALEC: I'm with Zane; shut up Jondy.

SYL: You're right, Krit, I will cut things if you say the wrong thing [pulls knife out of pocket]

WHITE: The bear is gnawing on my arm. A little help?

BLING: I wanna be a drag queen!

JACEY: If this was a properly written piece of literature, I'd sigh dramatically, and then point out several things.

1) Krit, Syl will not amputate any thing that Lexie and I find vital to your manly functions, especially if it involves one, or both of us jumping you.

2) Penguins cannot be sic on people, unless they are giant killer penguins.

3) Alec, please stop agreeing with Zane. He has an incredibly limited vocabulary, restricted to 'Whoa', 'Dude!', 'Duuuuude!', 'Dude.' And 'OMG, like SO totally.' Mostly because we find it amusing.

4) Ames, sweetie, Please stop whining.

5) Bling honey, go for it.

LEXIE: Whoa.

JACEY: I take that as a 'Jacey, you are a wonderful, multitasking goddess and I want you to go off and do whatever you want with Krit.' Which I will accept, thank you.

LEXIE: No, that was a 'whoa that's a long sentence'.

KRIT: I'm just happy my manly-ness is staying so manly.

ALEC: Duuude.

ZANE: Duuude.

MAX: Now neither of them can talk.

JONDY: Added bonus of hearing the voices.

ZACK: Does anyone else have the desire to - not only jump Max and Jondy at once - but chew on a rubber band?

AMES: I do. But the bear is now gnawing my ear.

LEXIE: Shh, Ames, or we will force you to sing.

BLING: I need make up and a thong to become a drag queen.

JACEY: I need to eradicate the mental images from my mind. Ew-much.

LEXIE: That bear is sure taking it's sweet time.

JONDY: Zack, I'm having second thoughts about the threesome.

AMES: The bear ATE MY EAR!

JACEY: Whoa.

LEXIE: Whoa, as in Lexie, you rock and I think you and Krit should go and spend eternity doing it in a secluded hotel room?

KRIT: Why does everyone want to jump me?

SYL: Hmph.

JACEY: You're complaining?

KRIT: No! But.... Yes? [looks at Syl]

SYL: Hmph.

AMES: Ow! My ear.... Wait... no... that's the other ear! Make it stop!

JACEY: I feel a song coming on.

AMES: [whimper]

ZACK: [strikes a pose]

"Oh baby, baby,

It's time to let me know,

If it's the stars, or a nuclear glow!

Time for you to tell us all,

Ames, does down below seem kinda small?

I see a bear down there,

Chewing ... down there,

I should stop this song,

It all seems kinda wrong!

What sort of sadistic bitches.. goddesses,

Do this to a man.... Who wears dresses?

Oh baby, baby,

It's time to tell me now,

Should, I go out, AND PLOW?!"

LEXIE: [bursts into laughter and falls off wherever she's sitting] Oh, GOD. I love a guy with a sense of humour. Zack, can I jump you?

ZACK: There's no right answer to that question, is there?

JONDY: No.

KRIT: I hear 'ya man.

[Bear makes sloppy eating noises]

AMES: MY SPLEEN!

JACEY: Please, what do you actually use your spleen for?

SYL: Nothing. It's just there to fill room.

LEXIE: Exactly.

ZANE: Dude.

ALEC: Yeah.

BLING : "At first I was afraid, I was terrified,

kept thinking I could never live

without you by my side.

But then I spent so many nights,

thinking how you did me wrong,

and I grew strong

and I learned how to smoke a bong..."

JACEY: Bling's on drugs?

LEXIE: I'm sorry to everyone for that... that thing that came out of Bling's mouth. Bong was the only thing that I could think of that rhymed with 'wrong'. I am so so sorry. I'll like the songs to Jacey from now on [Lexie facepalms]

JACEY: That would be wise. [disgusted look]

LEXIE: It wasn't that bad! You wrote a song about Krit's manhood!

SYL: I'll agree with her there. I don't feel comfortable with that song.

KRIT: I was flattered.

JONDY: You would be.

MAX: I really want a pitchfork.

AMES: The bear has eaten my face. Or most of it.

ZANE: Dude!

ALEC: Ewww

JACEY: [look of horror] The bear ate his face! Lexie!

LEXIE: What?

JACEY: Lexie!

JONDY: Lexie!

SYL: LEXIE!

EVERYONE: LEXIE!

LEXIE: What!?!?

AMES: My face!

"My face has gone kaplat!

One the good side, I no longer feel so fat...

But I must admit,

This isn't the way I'd imagine it!

In my sleep, I dream,

I wish, I pray... I dream...

And all I can see,

Is a way to set me free!

I march on, bravely into battle,

And with me, I bring my warrior cattle!

We conquer you all,

And it is you who take the fall.

There never was a bear,

No reason for me to fear...

My face has gone kaplat...

Oh shit, my arm just went splat!"

LEXIE: What did I do?

KRIT: It's obvious!

ZANE: Dude!

ALEC: How could you be so shallow?

AMES: Anyone got a match?

JACEY: Wait, what's with the match?

LEXIE: Is that a...... wait, is that... OMG! What is THAT!?

AMES: TNT! MUAHAHAHA!

BLING: He shall incinerate us all! [faints]

SYL: With the amount of alcohol and nail polish on Bling, we'll go up like a petrol soaked rag!

LEXIE: THE HUMANITY!

JACEY: noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

ZANE: DUDE!

JACEY: oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

LEXIE: Oh god no!

JACEY: oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

ZANE: DUDE! Where's my car?!!?

ALEC: Dude?

LEXIE: Zane said something!

JACEY: Dude!

LEXIE: Other than that.

JACEY: Yeah.

MAX: There should be a silence for Zane's speech. [Everyone bows their heads]

JACEY: [breaks silence] What if someone sang a song instead?

EVERYONE: Yeah... ok.

JACEY: I vote Jondy.

JONDY: I vote Jacey.

LEXIE: Your wish is my command!

JACEY: LEXIE!

"There's times I wish that I could say,

How I truly feel inside.

I'm empty, and I'm bitter,

Sometimes I just wanna hide.

You could say, the world would be a better place,

If I stayed away, from the light of day...

No peace shattered, no empty rooms,

Or broken hearts...

And then I open my eyes,

Take off my disguise,

And see how my life starts."

MAX: That was hardly a group.

ZACK: Group means a large, multiple bunch of people doing something as a mass. That wasn't massive.

BRIN: What we need is a lurid little limerick...

AMES: "There was an old woman from Keating,

Who had a peculiar feeling!

So she lay on her back

and opened her..."

ALEC: THINK OF THE CHILDREN.

AMES: ...And pissed all over the ceiling. There, now you're all entertained. CAN someone REMOVE THE BEAR?!

JACEY: No.

LEXIE: Hell no

ZANE: Dude!

ALEC: Sweet!

JACEY: Pop culture references!

LEXIE: Well tickle me pink!

JACEY: please don't.

AMES: I'd find it entertaining.

LEXIE: No.

ZACK: [takes off shirt] Now that that's been dealt with, I'm off to do ... well, Max and Jondy.

MAX: Yes!

JONDY: No!

ZACK: Please?

ZANE: Dude!

LEXIE: I'll be Jondy's substitute!

JONDY: NO!

LEXIE: YES!

AMES: MY MANHOOD!

JACEY: Put a cork in it, Fluffy. [A large cork appears in Ames's mouth, and a fuzzy bunny costume on him]

BRIN: Nice moves.

JACEY: Why, thank you.

BRIN: My pleasure.

ALEC: Think of the children.... Won't somebody, please, think of the children?

LEXIE: Dude!

JACEY: Dude?

LEXIE: Threesome!

JACEY: No!

LEXIE: Dude?

JACEY: Duuuuude!

LEXIE: Fine.

SYL: Wait, they had a whole conversation with the word 'dude'?

ZANE: Dude!

LEXIE: If Zane can communicate with 'dude', Jacey and I can. Jacey and I are telepathic as well, when we chose to be.

AMES: tewwle-patedic

JACEY: Take the cork out and then talk, Ames.

AMES: Tele-pathetic is more like it.

LEXIE: Bite me.

JACEY: Please don't.

ALEC: Think of the children.

JONDY: Dude!

LEXIE: Totally!

MAX: Absolutely

SYL: Completely

KRIT: What are we agreeing to?

JACEY: A giant orgy

LEXIE: With machines.

BRIN: MTV has a lot to answer for

JACEY: MTV? [bursts out laughing]

LEXIE: Poor, sweet deluded Brin...

JACEY and LEXIE: We own MTV. We govern TV. We are the source of, well, everything in this world.

LEXIE: Well, only MTV, chocolate, socks and man-eating pigs. We lost the man-eating penguins to the Royal Family

JACEY: Bloody royal family.

LEXIE: Completely.

JACEY: Wankers.

LEXIE: Piss heads.

JACEY: Knickers.

LEXIE: Shag.

JACEY: BLIMEY! [giggles] Pop culture.

JONDY: Buffy.

LEXIE: You recognize?

JONDY: Always.

JACEY: Dude!

ZANE: Duuude!

JACEY: Fine. I'll stop stealing your lines.

LEXIE: There's blood on my boots. Can the bear finish Ames now?

AMES: [strangled whimper]

JACEY: Is this cruel and sadistic?

LEXIE: No..... maybe?

JONDY: Possibly.

MAX: Oink!

ALEC: Think of the children!

"Oh won't you please, please think of the little kids,

Make sure you replace your pill bottles with their lids!

Your kids might overdose,

The mess would be quite gross.

Stop with this gruesome stuff,

I've really had quite enough...

I think that perhaps, I should shut up,

Before all that's left of me, fit's into a cup!"

AMES: What children? Everyone here is over 18 years old thus making them legally adults! There are no children!

ZACK: Yet.

JONDY: Great. Zack feels the urge to breed.

LEXIE: Well, that sounds charming.

SYL: I have to agree, it doesn't spark a great mental image

JACEY: How did we get here?

LEXIE: I'm pretty sure we teleported.

AMES: Tele-pathetic. [under his breath]

LEXIE AND JACEY: Shut up!

* * *

**To be continued... Soon :D**


End file.
